Experiment 04 - "Almost Suicidal"

 This was something that came to me  when I spent 4 days in utter solitude in the hostel. Only another girl remained downstairs over the Diwali holidays of my first year in a block of 60 rooms.

Spoiler Alert:

The idea was to write about the dilemma of someone contemplating suicide & how the person starts sure that life is no longer worth living & slowly starts doubting if death is truly better. The poem was supposed  to end with the protagonist embracing life and the joy of living  after being close to the fine divide. 

But, I never could feel hopeful enough to complete  the happy part. Slightly depressing, read on if you will..

The mystic beauty of death invites

Slowly and gracefully luring

The sadness and gloom stay on

Pushing.. Nudging me over to the other side..

What is death? I wonder.

Just another form of life?

What makes me say no to taking my life?

Can’t I say yes and get it over with?

The barren desert lies around me

And then..   I see her..

Death glides near, opens her arms, beckons to me

Life and Death, seem so different and

Yet, are the same

Then why shouldn’t  I say yes and get it over with?

The desert is still barren,

The heavy air presses me, oppresses me

Is Nature working with Death? I wonder..

Life doesn’t flash by, doesn’t plead her case..

Why? I again wonder? Am I that insignificant??

The rhythmic sway of trees is absent

In this barren desert that is the landscape of my mind.

Where nothing is left and yet everything hurts..

Should I just say yes to Death and get it over with?

The darkness of the night isn’t just black

It’s the ghostly shade of death..

The path I took has disappeared,

Both past and present...

Who am I? Where am I?

What am I doing in this void?

Can’t I just surrender and get it over with?

Time has lost meaning-

When did I last smile? Who made me smile last?

Even tears don’t come.

Questions are meaningless and the loneliness endless..

I desperately want to get this over with....

The loneliness is getting to me...

Again .. Another ally of death ?

Is life so friendless?

 How did Death know where to find me?

Am I going to her or is she coming for me?

Where is life? - the life all love to have?

Why am I not clinging to her safety

 When Death comes to pull me away?

Emotions? Feelings? None of them keep company...

I wonder when they deserted me..

Questions, just questions as Death and I come nearer....

Where is God? Isn’t He supposed to do something?

Or is this my destiny?

The confusion shatters the already echoing silence of my mind

And I want to say yes and get it over with....

Who was I living for? What for?

 What I am or was doing is not living....

Between life and death, I float...

I can’t see life.. and death is calling to me..

Then why shouldn’t I choose death over life and get it over with?

Dense fog rolls in as I try to walk..

Where to? Life or Death...

I walk, not hoping, not thinking,

Just walk, clueless, aimless...

Is death still there to embrace me?

I don’t mind getting it over with..

I stagger along the unknown dimension

I can’t even see Death now...

Can life and both leave me?

They are similar after all...

Hollowness and emptiness still remain..

Guess I am not so lonely after all... 

Experiment 03: To Pilani - A Gastronomical Ode

If you aren’t a BITSIAN- read on anyway. 

People who eat food may identify with my sentiments.

         Pilani, Pilani, I miss you so

Every little inch of you

Hungry or not, flood or drought

I cannot forget your food

         75 days since I saw you last!

Since I scooped your strands on a spoon

          These last days seem the toughest

My dear Frie(n)d Maggi from Blue moon

         Yes, I’m sitting at home

& I love my maa-ka khana

But how do I justify the world

Your absence makes me go bananas

         Bananas remind me of apples

And Apples of Mango shakes

I shall have you on the 31^st!

No matter what it takes.

         And imagine such fruits & many more

Cutely cut & served on a plate

A heathy fruit chat from the UCO Redi

For those who watch their weight ;)

         The Redis are living beings, always buzzing

Each with their own unique traits

Chaat, Chai and Chats with friends  

They make ideal cheap dates

         Pappu ji & his Skylab crew

Sandwiches, Burgers & Drinks.

The entire menu comes in my sleep,

Food-gasms while I take forty winks   

         IC isn’t that far either

Bread pakoda, dahi vada, maggi

A great way to start the day

Just add a glass of shikanji

And what about the mass feeding ground

Grubs and watery meals for all        

The messes some love, some love to hate

Yet hundreds throng those halls

          PPW in Sharma’s with a bonfire

          A Hot Chocolate in your hand

          Misting up Cnot with every breath

          A wondrous winter-land

          Summers are special too

          Think of cool drinks with ice

          Quenching thirsts with ganne-ka-ras

          And khus & shakes feels nice

         

         The All Night Canteen in Pilani

          Fondly known as ANC

          Home of great Club Sandwiches

          & burgers to fill an empty tank

          Food-king an option always

Arguably the most decent in looks

South-Indian fare for those who care

Oh! Those frankeys of which we partook


I really don't mind the unhealthy oils
As long as I don't see how it's done
It's more about the people than the meal
Dinners with college friends are super-fun   

          Pilani, Pilani, I miss you so

I’ll come back & leave you again

Leave I will then for the final time    

But these memories shall remain

A shout-out to those I forgot to mention above (or didn’t add :P ) -

The Nestle "Cafe" in MB - for it's birthday clebrations, Nobles for its overpriced but tasty food, and malai sandwiches, Sam-chats, poha, bhel at redis.

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Postscript:

a) I miss Pilani L Don’t you? 2 more days! 

b) A Big Thank You to a special anonymous reader (codename: “R”) who made my day with an e-mail. It meant a lot.

c) New SWD Dean in the house. Guess who?
d) Have you tried the "Pilani-special fried Burger" outside campus?

Experiment 02: Next time, there won’t be no next time

I simply cannot criticize someone who gave the world love, laughs, some life lessons, but most importantly MAGIC in 7 brilliant doses called the Harry Potter series.

We grew up wishing we weren’t just plain muggles, wishing the Hogwarts letter came so we too could buy robes, wands, cauldrons & pets in Diagon alley instead of normal clothes and fill our accounts in Gringotts with gold instead of using normal banks(how boring!). We grew with the leading trio and the motley crew of students, we mourned those who died, celebrated the small victories and learnt to hate the many twisted villains. We identified with them- the lunacy of Luna, Neville’s shyness, the pressure he faced, Fred & George’s constant tricks, Mrs. Weasleys’s momminess, the fun the 4 marauders had.. We learnt lessons our parents tried to instill through age-old epics and fables- the power of sacrifice and pure love, friendship, hope, bravery . Oh, how I loved it!

JK Rowling , I’m glad you wrote on that napkin on the train. Thank you very much.

I could write 10 more posts as a tribute to one of the greatest set of books ever written, but…. 

This post is about a man. A man named David Yates.

First Day First Show. Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows (Part 2).

Excitement. Thinking back to the last time I read the book.

There’s something called a "directorial touch". And this is what it ruined taught about the saga:

1) When Voldemort  shall speak, little girls shall shriek (like a crazy banshee that too!!)

2) Let’s have the Ron & Hermoine kiss in the Chamber of Secrets, after all, how much more romantic  than the Room of Requirement.

And yeah, while we’re at it, screw any nice dialogue which may lead to the kiss.

3) Alecto and Amycus Carrow – 2 new characters to cast! Forget the screen tests. Nobody remembers them, right? Let’s further save on costs by not building a Ravenclaw tower! A Hurrah for cheapness!

4) Lily Potter had green eyes. Ergo, Harry Potter had green eyes. Ergo, the director is either colour blind OR he ran out of green contact lenses.

5) Snape was a death eater,so he stored memories in teardrops?? And when did Dumbledore order that swanky black pensieve to replace the old, solid, white one?

6) Someone thinks that movie watchers are idiots. They won’t notice if we don’t show Teddy, Victoire and all of Ron, Hermoine, Harry, Ginny, & Malfoy’s kids aren’t shown. We’ll just show them Albus Severus coz he’s the best kid!

7)The Shrieking shack is just a halogen lamp-lit slightly zigzag pathway away from Hogwarts Castle. It must have been an illusion that the decrepit house was hard to get into. You know kids and their wild imagination! 

Let’s skip the Headmaster’s office after Voldemort’s death and Harry repairing his OWN wand before discarding the elder wand,  let Harry pop out of Hagrid’s hand without the invisibility cloak, let Mrs. Weasley roam around Hogwarts in her bathrobe, let Fred & George have perfectly functional ears, let the gold cups in Gringotts not burn, let Harry & Voldemort jump off random towers together .

(I stopped numbering points after 7, for effect :P ) 

Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows is MORE than that. It all ENDS here!!

Wait, It all ends here? NO, it ended  for me long time ago, when I read the book, mourned for Snape( Oh! You prince L ) and all that jazz.

No offence to you, Mr. Yates. You’re a visionary distorting the wrong movies..

The few scenes I actually enjoyed were  Neville’s touching speech  *sniff*,  King’s Cross(where Harry was thankfully not naked) and the final fight.

Interesting interpretation I say. Interesting interpretation which disappointed me slightly that’s all.

I’m not saying I hated the movie. It wasn't bad. I even have tickets for tonight :P  I’m just saying, the final installment unfortunately turned out to be the topic for my 2^nd post. :)

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Postscript:

1) If you haven’t watched the movie, go watch!! If you have, you hopefully know what I’m talking about.

2) Guess the inspiration for the post title and WIN! :D

3) Hula-hooping is hard. Try it!

4) Next time, shorter posts :P

Experiment 1: Oh! The horror! (Of a First Post)

Alas! I have no choice. At Her Majesty’s Secret Request, I have undertaken a mission to share my experiences and wonderful experiments with the humble inhabitants of the Internet-connected world.

Why me? - you ask.

 Over the 20 or so years I managed to successfully survive on this planet, I have:-

a) been asked by a friend to send her comic videos of myself forever as entertainment, and won the ‘Best Head-Patter’ Award- a highly coveted title, if I may say so myself.

b) had deeply philosophical musings about the current state of Earth, Religion, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and Justin Bieber.

c) been moved to tears by music and learnt to love the piano. I’ve penned odes to weather elements a la PB Shelley and gotten lost in literary worlds and words.

d) laughed at the non-funniest of jokes and dreamt of the strangest things in vivid HD…

e) met the awesomest people,  made friends to last a lifetime and even found pichle-janam-ke-jaan-pehchaan-wale(sometimes you just *connect* that well, you know)

In other words, I’ve lived like a billion others, and I definitely hope to continue…

However, this mission turned out to be harder than imagined. Decisions, decisions, decisions. The name, the colour, the ideas, the posts, the spell-checking atleast 5 times (OCD, I guess) will convey more about me than I can in words. The first post was supposed to be about my trials and tribulations in the course of finally getting these words out on a blog.Oh well.

Here is where YOU come in, dear reader. Yes, YOU in front of the computer screen, reading these very words. Dare to comment, follow, question, hate and/or love here.


Watch this space regularly and maybe you’ll know the answer to Life, the universe, to everything, given the answer is NOT 42 :P (People tell me my status messages are hard to understand o_o) 

Let’s make this an affair to remember. Shall we?

Post Script:

I love postscripts hence every post find a random factoid (about me or otherwise) , a question or a link. Every. Single. Time. I promise!

Starting with…

1. Voldemort’s Downfall Cometh! We We We so excited!

2. I can’t dance to save my life. But chances are, I will never need to J J

3. This post has been published as a dedication to a special Nepali. Words in return for yours.